I watch, pretending to fumble with my backpack as old bedding, children's toys, unwanted DVD players and hardcore pornography are piled indiscriminately into a skip. The following evening, at precisely Zero minus twelve hours, the 7 seat people carrier of the impoverished tenants pulls up. I pretend, as I have done countless times for the last six months, to be suddenly fascinated by some architectural details on an adjacent property, I observe, through sideways glancing eyes, a grizzled individual in Army fatigues enter the property, then quickly exit carrying a television, which he loads into the vehicle. From the forward observation post, Eyrie One, it appears as though Operation Moneypit might finally be about to commence.
Tensions have been running high in Nickson Villas recently. Our target,when we arrived on UK soil (as mentioned several times in this blog), was to be thoroughly bored as quickly as possible, and have a completely uninteresting life in as many ways as was possible. In many respects, we have failed spectacularly...erm... In most respects, we have failed completely.
Our plan was simple, as follows:
1. Get job (Martin)
2. Do'nt change careers again (Nel)
2a. Resolve legal issues (Martin)
3. Sell house.
4. Buy House
5. Eschew broken limbs completely(Martin)
6. Refrain from starting revolutionary groups or becoming involved in 'causes' (Nel)
7. Plant herb garden
8. Introduce cats to natural environment. Watch cats play in herb garden on lazy Sunday afternoons, while NOT discussing legal issues, workers rights, feminism, environmental issues.
After my (hopefully final) recon I return to Nickson Villas to report my findings to the Red Haired Boffin. I have to interrupt my report several times to wipe my eyes, which are watering considerably, having been severely strained from trying to maintain focus while staring intently sideways, but the message I get across is hopeful: the occupiers of the house we have been trying to buy are giving every appearance of removing themselves from the property in an orderly manner. We may actually be able to cross Number 4 off our list, a check item that has only taken seven months (from offering to purchase the place), two court hearings, an eviction order, two continents (the sellers reside in Florida), a housing market crash (I'll swear to my dying day that we are not responsible for this), three re-applications for mortgage agreement extensions, several arguments with the odious Mr Gold and a nervous breakdown on the part of the seller's agent. Everyone, from our financial advisor to Mr Gold to the seller to us to the tenants has lost money on the deal. By our standards though, it's all gone pretty smoothly.
Unlike our law suit. But that, as they say, is a tale for another night, possibly in the very near future.