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Saturday, 28 June 2008

Dabs, letters and quitting the Stone Age(Part One)

Quick round-up because I'm off this afternoon to the pile....

House: After our third break-in, security measures at Large Villas mushroomed. Mr Bush would have been proud of me. Indeed, after the tenants returned again, (this time while Nel was resident, and gave her their full postal address), I considered applying the Bush Doctrine of dealing with threat by visiting them in turn. This plan got hung up on the issue of Proportionate Response. I considered the items that the Estonians have taken:

4 cans Stella Lager
4 Cans Oranjeboom Lager
4 cans John Smiths' Smoothflow Bitter
1 Ordance Survey Map of Market Weighton and area
1 mop head and extendable mop handle
1 pair of I-pod speakers (originally given away with FHM magazine and given to us by Chris in Barcelona)
1 notebook containing a brief outline of several story ideas and some important info (to wit: one sci-fi adventure starring Joey Mac and some talking cats, one contemporary Dickensian novel that ruthlessly exposes the dark underside of a fictional Leeds based custom exhibit company , one "Clan of the CAve Bear-esque" historical novel set in Mesolithic Liverpool, a record of train times (Nov - Dec 2007).

How does one plan a proportionate response to this theft? We reject the nuclear option and decide to ask the British police to issue a stern warning, given that we know the address of the culprits. It is more likely that this family are in need of help than of criminalization, as our continued renovations reveal how life in the previous household was obviously problematic.

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