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Dont buy the Sun.
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Wednesday, 18 June 2008

In Bed with Sharon

Even though, technically, the fat lady has not yet sung, the chickens have not actually hatched, and Bill's bespoke stumbling block has not yet been removed from the floor, in respect of the putative purchase of our slum, operatic voices have been tuned, chickens are pecking at the inside of their shells and the linseed oil has been brought up to room temperature ready to give the old block a good polish before returning it to storage.

In short, the tenants of the future location of Large Mansions have gone, vacated, exited stage left, done a bunk and cleared out, leaving a selection of disgusting old mattresses, chipboard cabinets, sundry electronica and an old tyre behind. However, they have not done any damage to the property, which was a great fear of mine, and have presumably been relocated in safe, affordable public housing.

I know this because tonight, the Boffin and I went round for an inspection. This visit was sans false moustaches, over-sized trench-coats and any other disguises that we may have considered in previous visits. We met the agent of the odious Mr Gold. The agent was an affable enough man, hollow-eyed and desperate, who immediately began attempting to sell me the property, stating that I just "had to see past the grime". I pointed out to him that I had indeed seen past the grime and we were just inspecting it to ensure no new damage had occurred, BUT that when 'my partner' showed up , she would freak out about all the stuff the tenants had left, as our agreement was for 'free and clear' possession.

Red Head showed up, had a minor freak, and probably (after six months of trying to sell the place and thousands of pounds in court costs) gave the agent a minor heart attack, as she gave every impression of being about to make an issue, and withdraw from the sale, over this latest breach of agreement by the seller. However, in this case, the man got lucky, because we now have a limited time in which to complete our renovations(actually for renovations, read 'complete rebuild'), and Red, I think, decided pretty quickly that right now, every day counts and more delays are not in our favour. He looked distinctly relieved; Boffin's reputation has probably spread around the offices of Gold and Son Ltd, and this house has already caused one agent a nervous breakdown .

So provided there's not a global financial meltdown before Friday, we should have the keys to the pile on Friday afternoon. Obvioulsy reports will be published on this blog, but to make matters more fun, I've decided to publish our weekly task lists. These can be found at :

If you're interested bookmark the link and check it out. It will be updated every week or so.

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